I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
