i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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