you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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