i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
