I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
