yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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