well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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