it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
