Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
