dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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