I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize