I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?