"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
