it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize