my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
someone owes me an orgasm
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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