"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
