Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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