I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Everything about him screamed your future.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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