this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
