oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
