I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
