i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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