I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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