My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
