I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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