Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
