I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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