Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
