Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
