I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
