WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
