next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
