just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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