ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
