matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
