i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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