My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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