nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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