just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
