I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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