Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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