my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
