my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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