Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
