you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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