I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
