K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
