A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
