woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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