Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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