My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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