The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
