dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
