I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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