Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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