she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
