I wish you could order shots online.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
