apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am naked and annoyed.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
