You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
