u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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