he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ugly people sure do ruin things
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The uberlube is also flammable
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
