I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
