keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
