I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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