just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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