Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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