there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's blow job season.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
