I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
