it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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