Don't make out with my wife yet
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
