sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
