Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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