I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
