um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
